**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
