I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
