I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
