watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
