Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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