nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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