You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
