i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize