you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
