She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
