did you get engaged???
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize