You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize