i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
