Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
