I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
