i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
