the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
