So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
