what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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