Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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