Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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