we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
