I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
