i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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