im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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