I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
