Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
