idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
