I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
