Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
