I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
