he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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