am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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