Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize