he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
