I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
