Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
