Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
