Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
