Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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