stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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