Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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