so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
