i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize