Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
