i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
