i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
