Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
