my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
