Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
