people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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