Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
