i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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