Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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