i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
