My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize