I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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