I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
