You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
