I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
