he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize