Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
