I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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