Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
