I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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