Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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